I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
