How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
