I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
