Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
