i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
