I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
