we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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