oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
now i know why i became what i already was.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
