he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
