I just pynch a tree in the face
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
