i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
false alarm, still single
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
