he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
