the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
