We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
