sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
