we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How does one acquire holy water?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
