First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
