This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
