Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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