I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
