i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
