quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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