She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
