He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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