I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just pee around me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
