I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
