There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
