I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You were trust falling into bushes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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