Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
