Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
