So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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