I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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