I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
