he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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