I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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