I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
