You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
