i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So vagazzling was a success
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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