Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
