theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its about making memories worth repressing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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