Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
