"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You can't special order awesome
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
