just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
