He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
