i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
