Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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