If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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