Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
