i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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