??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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