she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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