Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
