I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
