Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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