Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
