Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
