May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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