I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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