You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
