Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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