You're my little dorito
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize